I want to live life. I want to live wide.
But these days, it feels as though to 'live life' as a teenager is to go out, get drunk and make out with someone random (or not so random) so as to provide entertainment for bystanders. I wonder if my tone reveals just how disenchanted I am with all of that. I suppose I should get credit however for possibly being the last teenager in my suburb at least to have never gotten drunk, never had a boyfriend and never done 3/4 of what teenagers do. So I suppose that means I don't live enough.
I have these exams at the end of the year. I know I have to do well in them - there are no shortage of voices telling me that they will determine my future. I just don't know what that future will be. So far it just seems to be a continuation of an existence that has accomplished little, that by some twist of luck I will come by mass amounts of money so as to enable me to see the world as I long to do.
The only thing I am sure of is that I want, no need, to travel.
I always thought that to live life meant to do the things you enjoy without dwelling on the repercussions, so I suppose that the whole gettingdrunkandnotrememberingwhathappenedlastnight has that covered. Once upon a time I enjoyed violin, and writing, and was good at both. That has changed, and any supposed talent faded. What I have now is photography, but I know that I am not, and will never be, good enough for that to carry me through to a future.
